Technically, whoever died last would have the controlling will. But when it comes to questions of child care, the court has the latitude to appoint whoever is in the child's best interests. That means you and your husband could be setting up a legal battle that will rage for months or years while your children live in foster care, waiting.
I encourage you to sit down with an attorney who is experienced in counseling parents of minor children. Perhaps my guide, Parents Guide to Protecting Great Kids would help. I'd be happy to email it to you if you let me know at firstname.lastname@example.org.
There are all kinds of ways to share the work of raising children among different members of the family.
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